im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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