My hair reeks of homosexuality.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize