You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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