found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
