Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
