Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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