R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
