Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize