whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
