Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
