Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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