last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
PANTIES FOUND
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