she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
