Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
