i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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