god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
