FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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