it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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