When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Pooping to opera.
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