I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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