If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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