you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
