U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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