My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
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