4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
