I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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