last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
