Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
