Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Randomize