Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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