saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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