You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
