theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
