I think im going to throw up on grandma
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
