hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
