We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
