How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize