Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
