Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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