Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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