I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
