I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
