there's paper in my vomit.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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