Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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