Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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