Me too!
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
sex in a hospital.. check
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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