Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
