That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
