Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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