I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
