My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
