I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
3pm strippers are depressing
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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