Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize