remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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