Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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