Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
