I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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