I just made out with a guy for $7.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
