Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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