hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize