some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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