Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
