Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
