I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
im holly from the hills drunk
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
