Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It was like getting head from an anaconda
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
