Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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