I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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