we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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