I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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