Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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