dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
