Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
