He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
