he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
