i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
