Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
