Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
