You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
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