He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
