swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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