fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
