break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
