just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
