Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
