Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
