there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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