Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
