Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
