can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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