this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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