Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
