Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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