shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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