Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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