I didn't shave. On purpose
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize