I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
