to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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