Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
