I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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