i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Sober January is a disaster.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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