He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
