My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
